Social Caterpillar

I usually tend to lean toward the abstract in my writings (at least in this blog), but I've had something that's influenced me all my life on my mind, and I thought I should share it. You see, every year, no matter how many people I know, no matter how strong, determined, or how much support I have, I can never seem to socialize very well. It seems so simple in my head; each morning I wake up and imagine a scenario where I come out of my shell and just start talking, but when faced with actual people, I lock up. It's not a shell-shocked, hang-your-mouth-open kind of lock-up, but I just shy away and don't say anything, and if I do, I say very little, such as "Hi," and "How are you?" I'm sure I'm not the only one, I just seem to be so troubled when it comes to trying to be friendly, and not snobbish or standoffish, like I don't care about other's feelings. That's the thing, I care about others more than anything, but I just can't express that very easily unless I get to know them, so my first impressions are usually very difficult, both for me and the other person I'm attempting to make "small talk" with. I really have sympathy for those individuals, especially adolescents in high school and middle school, that have the same disfunction as me...if you can call it a disfunction. So, I suppose all I can say is that I hope all the quiet individuals out there may grow their wings and expand into the world with vibrant colors and the ability to find their own identity among the many other butterflies that already have.